07 March 2012

Open Sesame

I well know that as the *saga of the safe has developed over time, many of you—Rita for one—became convinced in your hearts of hearts that the safe would never be opened. Today, I echo the words of our Savior . . . Oh, ye of little faith!

Rick and I were burning fossil fuel in the big city today in my midsize pickup running errands, errands which basically consist of wandering around various hardware stores for hours looking at hardware. We use my pickup to do this big city work so that any resultant collision will result only in your normal fender bender. Were a mishap to occur in the city with Rick's full size Chevy 2500HD diesel stump-puller, we might inadvertantly crush a young mother and her entire brood of screaming little ones. Rick suggested that we stop by and chat with Edie at Jack's Lock and Key face to face about our inability to open the safe.

Of course I was reluctant to do that because I did not want to lose the effect of Edie's telephone voice by seeing her in the flesh. As it turned out—wouldn't you know?--Edie's actual physical appearance was better than her imagined physical appearance. (No picture yet.) I now have to think up more reasons to telephone her. Maybe get her advice on my difficulties inserting my key into some lock.

Anyway, we asked Edie to telephone the Liberty Safe people one more time and recheck the combination on file for this serial number. You will recall that since I last spoke with her, Rick has been working his way through various combinations with numbers one up or one down from the combination originally given us. I was able to find various reasons why I could not help with that, finally resorting to my carpal tunnel syndrome in order to put a permanent end to any thought of my help.

There is a lesson of life to be drawn from this. The last time Edie called Liberty Safe, she spoke to some man there and got a combination that did not work from him. The last time I telephoned Jack's Lock and Key, I spoke with some man about the problem, and he never called me back. This time Edie spoke with some woman at Liberty Safe. According to Edie, this woman said, “Oh, I know what the mistake was!” She gave us a different combination.

Here is the thing with businesses big and small, but particularly with mom and pop businesses like Jack's Lock and Key. You are wasting your time talking to the men. The men are absolutely fucking clueless. Always. You have to talk to the women. The women are the ones who know what is going on. Today these two women gave Rick and I new hope after discussing the situation between them on the telephone.

We were so nervous driving back home to Rick's house in the brush along the Wapsipinicon river with this new combination in hand--about a forty minute drive--that we had to stop twice and pee beside the road. Or that might have had something to do with all the cafe americano that we had drunk burning up fossil fuel around the city today. I do not know how to apportion cause there. A little bit of both, I suppose.

We arrived at the slab outside the basement door underneath Rick's deck where the safe sat and gathered our nerve. I told Rick that it was his safe now regardless. I am not taking it back. Therefore, he had to open it. I ran the camera while he spun in the new combination. And what do you know? That big door fell open like a dream, smooth as you please.

Why was this so important? Why was the pressure of the situation so great? Because one week from tomorrow, Rick and I are going to load up my pickup and drive down to Mexico together. Rick needs to store some of his very valuable shit in this safe so that his children and grandchildren cannot paw through it and steal him blind while he is gone.

Which brought us to this issue. Where to hide the combination so that Rick can get it again when needed in the future. Because he cannot remember it, and I cannot remember it. He is going to write it down on a little piece of paper and hide it somewhere in his house. I am going to write it down on a little piece of paper and hide it somewhere in the farmhouse. 

We would like all of you reading this to write it down on a little piece of paper and hide it somewhere in your living quarters or some other secret place that you will be sure to remember. We are hoping that if about a dozen people all do this, then perhaps one will remember where they hid the combination when Rick needs it again.

The combination is 49-29-57. Thanks for your help on this.

*See the first installment of the saga of the safe here. See the second installment of the saga of the safe here.

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