29 December 2009

A Plan

Fuente de Cibeles, Col. Roma, Ciudad de México

Back to México City again. . . .

On Sunday afternoon, December 20, La Mexicana and I jumped off a bus in Colonia Roma. It was my only foray outside the downtown district, El Centro Historico. Colonia Roma is high end. We hit the outdoor terrace of a great restaurant, El Jolgorio, next to the Fuente de Cibeles, a replica of the great fountain in Madrid of the same name. Knocked back a couple of espressos and some pastry and read the papers for awhile.

Down the street was an outdoor market.

It was close, close quarters inside this market.

I found myself standing next to a little booth selling sports stuff while La Mexicana was looking at knocked off Prada somethings, I think it was.

And there looming up in front of me. . .deep in Colonia Roma. . .deep in México City. . .deep in México itself. . .was a University of Iowa football pullover sweatshirt! I whooped and called La Mexicana over to view it. She was strangely unimpressed. Nevertheless, I took this to be an omen. A supernatural directive.

One week from tonight the University of Iowa football team plays the Georgia Tech football team at the Orange Bowl in Miami. Now of course as everyone knows, I have completely sworn off spectator sports with the exception of the occasional fútbol game. But we never say “never,” do we?

Back when I regularly indulged in spectator sports and would at times be looking forward to a big *Hawkeye football game, I was never so concerned with whether my innocent farm boys would win or lose as I was with whether they would embarrass and humiliate themselves. People from the coastal areas of the United States tend to think people from Iowa are dipshits. I think this is because they usually have Iowa confused with Idaho. . .or Ohio.

The Hawkeyes have never faced an option offense like that used by those maniacal, illiterate thugs who have been hauled in from parts unknown, paid a six-figure annual salary in crisp American dollars, and supplied with fast cars, women and cocaine in order to keep them playing amateur football for Georgia Tech University. The Hawkeyes could very well find themselves standing around in front of thousands of spectators and millions of television viewers in the middle of the Orange Bowl scratching their butts and watching the other team play football. Looking like dipshits in other words.

After pondering the appearance of the sweatshirt in México City, I have become convinced that the Hawkeyes will embarrass and humiliate themselves in Miami next week unless I watch the game and prevent that from happening with the force of my own will.

I think that I shall walk up to Manolo's Sports Bar that evening and ask the guys if they will put that Orange Bowl game on the big screen. I shall then watch it. I hope there is no one there supporting the Georgia Tech team. There is always the chance of a scuffle in situations like that, you know. At this point in my career, I would hate to have to try to send a Georgia Tech fan sliding on his ass backward across the floor of Manolo's. Right there in front of his woman and all. I am too old for that business any more. I break a metacarpal every time. And of course there is the real chance that I might find myself sliding on my own ass backward across the floor of Manolo's. Which is no fun. In front of the women and all.

I have not explained before that Manolo's is actually an adjunct of Casa Payo, an Argentine restaurant. When a restaurant bills itself as "Argentine" here, that means only one thing--beef. Of course I have sworn off beef, too. However, on that evening I shall also send word over to Casa Payo that I require a cheeseburger, una hamburguesa con queso. . .with everything, con todo. . .with fries, con papas.

I shall then eat a cheeseburger with fries while I watch a college football game on television. La Mexicana knows her fútbol inside and out--better than I do in fact--but her grasp of norteamericano football is comically tenuous. Nonetheless, she is determined to attend. I shall round up Frank and whomever else I can hornswoggle into this endeavor, also. A table of six would be excellent. A table of four will do.

Sounds like a plan.

*If those of you from other parts of the world could refrain from asking me what a “Hawkeye” is, I would appreciate it. It would require several paragraphs in the attempt.


Four Dinners said...

Now if you'd found an Oldham Athletic FC football shirt I would have been well impressed...;-)

Happy and peaceful New Year old bean.

cheers mate


Candy Minx said...

I have relatives who grad-e -ated from Hawkeye headqtrs.-only after that -did I notice in Chicago people fly the birdy flag from homes and official cheer 'em on saloons!!!


Lynn said...

As a graduate of the OTHER school in this state (whose football team WON their bowl game last week), I probably won't be watching this game. However, it makes me smile to think of you watching at Manolo's and possibly having to defend the Hawkeye honor.