05 October 2009

A Modest Proposal Revisited

Questions are rolling in via email inspired by my Modest Proposal in my entry of October 2. A lot of people are interested in this idea about the return of southern California to México. I thought I would post some of the questions on subjects of general interest here along with my thoughtful answers:

Question No. 1.
Would many of the citizens of San Diego even notice if the city were suddenly in México and no longer in the United States?

I doubt it. Talk about laid back.

Question No. 2.
What would become of Tijuana if it were no longer a border town?

You are quite right. Tijuana would no longer be a border town. Some place like Fresno would become the new border town, the new Tijuana. You cannot solve every problem. Obviously, the adult shows, the prostitution, the souvenir shops, and most of that disgusting stuff would pick up and move lock, stock, and barrel to Fresno or wherever. There will always be border towns. But remember. That would all simply be a relocation within México. No loss, no gain for anybody.

Question No. 3.
What would become of Arnold Schwarzenegger?

I will happily answer this question if you will first tell me why you care.

Question No. 4.
What will be the reaction of Mexican movies stars and the Mexican movie industry if a lot of American movie stars are suddenly Mexican movies stars, too?

Most American movie stars are already Mexican movie stars but not with their own voices. They will only provide real competition for Mexican movie stars in the Mexican movie stars' trade if they learn to speak Spanish. Can people like Sean Penn and Kate Winslet speak Spanish already? Maybe they can. I'm just asking.

Question No. 5.
Kate Winslet is a British movie star, you dummy.

The answer is yes to both those propositions.

Question No. 6.
How will being a part of México affect water shortages in Los Ángeles?

Good question. You cannot manufacture water in any real quantity. Even the Mexican people with their immense capacity for hard labor cannot do that.

People in México generally do not have lawns. Also, the car washes here are manned by guys with buckets instead of being fitted out with all kinds of complicated hose paraphernalia. These two things alone save enormous amounts of water. I would hope that the citizens of Los Ángeles, including the mayor, would be able to assimilate in those two relatively minor respects. Perhaps I am overly optimistic.

I do not know how one would handle the American lawn chemical industry, which would really be pissed off about any assimilation along these lines. Help them find new markets in India and China, I guess.

Question No. 7.
What should be done concerning California license plates on automobiles?

Street gangs from Tijuana could simply repaint all California license plates with spray cans on their way north to Fresno or wherever. You would not even have to take them off your car. The street gangs could be paid a stipend by the Mexican government for this service.

Question No. 8.
What if a big slippage occurs in one of the major faults and a big chunk of southern California slides off into the sea?

Well obviously, the whole deal is off then.

Question No. 9.
We live in Lake Havasu City. Would we be affected here?

No. You live in Arizona.

Question No. 10.
Would we here in Victorville have to learn a new national anthem?

Yes. But it is a great tune that you can actually sing.

Question No. 11.
Where would we in Hemet send any necessary tax returns?

I do not know whether México has eFile yet or not. Certainly, the mailing address in México City or wherever would be prominently provided in public locations along with forms, I assume. Or you could simply not send them in and await a personal contact. I had a couple of clients who took that approach in the United States.

Question No. 12.
How will this affect Major League Baseball, particularly the Dodgers and the Angels?

Not a bit. It might be different if we were to move South California to Chile, for example. As you know, however, we would be keeping it in North America because of the N.F.T.A. thing.


Bloggerboy FFM said...

But but but, it's like they've got a different word for everything down there.

mister anchovy said...

Can we get Canada involved in this? If we gave Toronto to Mexico, we'd need some better winter weather in return. That would be table stakes.