27 June 2009

Beans & Rice

I continue to be amazed at the nutritional mileage one can get out of beans and rice. I have always been quite fond of those staples. Back when I used to visit New Orleans, my first food order there would more often than not be a beans and rice dish. Of course those beans and rice dishes were a little more elaborate than the ones I am preparing here in México. My point is, though, that beans and rice have never been an entrée that repulses me or simply leaves me cold at all. And thank goodness because I am convinced now that one could survive indefinitely for pennies on beans and rice.

Here is some product of my thought on this subject that could be of enormous value to you at some point in the future.

There will come a time in the United States when the fabric of civilization will be rent irreparably, and through that rent there will step the forces of barbarism. Institutions will melt down and disappear. The armed representatives of law enforcement will devolve into simple extortionists and terrorists in uniform and do battle over turf with their coequals, the Crips and the Bloods. Schools will close, and emaciated and rapacious nine-year-olds will roam the streets with the last few remaining cats. Buses will stop running.

The sky will be black with smoke.

Utilities will stop sending bills after long since having stopped providing service. There will only be large, gray cinder block shells where Walmart, Target, and Kmart used to be. Not only will there be no more Red Lobsters in the Midwest, there will be no more fish, living or dead, in the Midwest.

Insurance salesmen and real estate brokers from the southwest, their suits in tatters, will be doing battle with Mexican Minute Men in order to cross the border with their surviving loved ones to the relative peace and security of México.

Those families back home that have been able to survive the initial onslaught and gather their surviving members together will be hunkered down in brick ranch houses surrounded by barbed wire and improvised barricades constructed of abandoned recycling bins filled with sand. Family members will be armed as best as they have been able to arm themselves. The tanks of the useless vehicles in the garages will be drained and the gasoline parceled into empty Perrier bottles and some few S. Pellegrino bottles, which in turn will be lined up next to the windows in groups of six with tampons rubber banded to the tops.

I must say, though, that only those families with the foresight to have laid by bags of rice and dried beans will have any real chance of survival. Those utterly ruthless marauders outside the barricades around those brick ranch houses may find other ways to break down these families' defenses, but the bastards will never starve these good folks out as long as bags of rice and dried beans have been properly laid by.

They will need potable water, too, it goes without saying. And if they can lay hands on citrus juice of some sort, that would go a long way toward preventing their gums from bleeding and losing a grip on their teeth. However, the young people's gums will endure far longer than the old folks'. Those young people can be used to chew the rice for the old folks as long as the young people are beaten without fail when they succumb to temptation and swallow an old person's share of rice. The old folks can gum properly cooked beans for themselves.

It is difficult to overestimate the value of having beans and rice in one's arsenal against the impending Apocalypse. I suggest that you also keep handy a Presto stainless steel pressure cooker. Do not go with aluminum. And make that one with a minimum of four-quarts of capacity.

1 comment:

Candy Minx said...

Jeez, Senor Steve...it was like reading the novel "The Road" stopping in here today.

But listen...I'm going out and buying some beans and rice tomorrow!

Tonight I have made black beluga lentils in curry with yogurt. Cost pennies too. I also have a bean casserlole, with mustard, molasses, tomatoes, onions celery red pepper.