10 May 2009

Relations Between the Two Major Genders in Central Texas

There is a profound difference in the way men and women approach each other and relate to each other in central Texas as compared to up north. There is a forthrightness in central Texas, a bluntness that fascinates me to no end. I have been watching these Texans closely and thinking about it a good deal. It may have something to do with the fact that so many of them have been around livestock for their entire lives. I don't know. But I have come up with an illustration of what I am talking about for you.

Let us assume that Bruce the Iowan determines to court Anne. Bruce has only one testicle. This piece of information is naturally the very last piece of information about himself that Bruce reveals to Anne before Bruce and Anne consummate the sexual aspect of their relationship when that comes about. I mean the very last piece of information. As the two of them finally crawl into bed for the first time while removing the last articles of clothing after a rather lengthy acquaintance, Bruce gingerly approaches the subject this way:

“Anne, there's something I need to tell you.”

Bruce has thought this out. Bruce's hope is that even though the subject must now be addressed, Anne is invested enough at this point to overlook Bruce's physical defect.

Let us assume that Harley, the Texan from Fredericksburg, determines to court Beth. Harley, too, has only one testicle. This piece of information is naturally one of the first pieces of information about himself that Harley wants Beth to know. Harley handles it like this:

“It's so nice to meet you finally, Miss Beth. I have been looking forward to meeting you ever since the first time I laid eyes on you. You know, Miss Beth, I ain't got but one testicle.”

Harley wants to get this information to Beth as soon as possible because he believes it will be interesting to her. And you know something? He is right! It is interesting to her. Beth is a Texan, too. She immediately wonders if there is anything different about sexual relations with a man with only one testicle, something that she may have missed out on before without knowing it.

There are some of you Iowans reading this now who are saying to yourselves that I am being cruel, that I am mocking Texans again. That is not true, I assure you. I told you before that I am all done with disparaging Texans. The fact is that the Texans who are reading this are saying, “Now here is a northerner who gets it!”


Candy Minx said...

Sounds like me too.

Love the pics from the bbqs and the stage at Luckenburg. Looks like such a relaxing time. Enjoying following along...especially tubing the river...

Steve said...

I love it when you show up, Candy. I know how busy you and Stagg are, but stop by whenever you can.